I Binged This Afternoon

I’ve been great at staying “on the wagon” since New Year’s. I even decided to extend my usual two-weeks off sugar schedule to a full three weeks in January. I had my “cheat weekend,” & got right back on.

But this week, I binged Tuesday night and again this afternoon. 

Last year I wrote a blog, “The Top 5 Ways I keep my sugar addiction in check.” I’ve been actively doing all of those things lately. I even did an extra workout yesterday! I taught an aerobics class in the AM, and went to take a yoga class after dinner.

And still… I struggled & caved today. I decided to blog about it even before I went to the store to buy junk. Funny, that decision didn’t stop me. It reminded me of how, when we first started dating, I told DH of my dirty little secret of this sugar addiction. He once offered to have me call him when I felt tempted to binge. I guess that’s similar to what an AA “sponsor” is for.

I thought it was a kind offer and I appreciated it. The problem with the plan was that… if I could stop myself from moving forward with a binge in order to call him, that would mean I could stop myself.

Of course, I had to examine what sort of circumstances contributed to today’s binge. Here’s what I came up with.

  1. Seasonal Affect Disorder
    • After a brief respite of a few warm days, it’s back to rain and cool weather… again
  2. Fatigue
    • I’m just straight up fucking TIRED. I was up very late Monday night. Although it’s now Thursday, I don’t feel I’ve yet caught up.
  3. Extra Temptation
    • Easter candy is out! I love those damn chocolate eggs!
  4. Boredom with Healthy Food
    • I’ve been feeling uninterested in my home-cooked food lately. This is unusual. Most of the time I want to binge on sugar, it’s not because I do not want healthy stuff. It’s just because I want the sugar. I got lunch at Chik-Fil-A today, a relatively healthy choice of tortilla soup & chicken strips, but apparently that didn’t do the trick.

The good news is that I can do something about most of the above factors. I’m shit-outta-luck on #1, but at least the winter is coming to an end! I also can’t change #3, except perhaps to avert my eyes. (Nah, that doesn’t do shit.)

But I absolutely can aim to get more sleep, and vary my diet more. I should have just indulged in beer and pizza, or a cheese-steak from my favorite gourmet deli. Those indulgences have less of a negative impact to my psyche, and I think my physique too! I don’t feel out of control with them.

OK, lesson learned. Blogging for future reference. <sigh> Will I ever be able to keep this demon in a cage consistently? I’ve accepted I’ll never entirely kill it (Oh, I would if I could!)

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